Adventures in the Land of We

     It's amazing how quickly a world can change. My neighbors all ask me about my other half. How is he, where is he, who is he (boyfriend, fiance, husband) are now commonplace questions. It's as if I am now no longer allowed to be me. I am a "we" and must be in close proximity of my other half at all times. It fascinates me that this identity shift occurs. It's amazing how a couple just slips into this because everyone around them guides them along the way. It concerns me that this very public acknowledgment makes it so difficult to be a single entity. I am a bit miffed that my me-ness has been usurped by the we of us.  Don't get me wrong, the we of us makes me happy but the me in me is fighting to maintain her identity.

     The other evening, I made meatloaf. He washed dishes. I did some work and then we took a walk in the neighborhood stopping off at the store to buy rice milk before returning home. Once home I made tea. We drank it while watching the news and then drifted off to the land of dreams. Living in domesticity is a very different reality. I like it's simplicity. I enjoy having a partner in crime. It's been four months and he is still alive. I think I like him and this is definitely a beautiful thing. Having someone who can join in your crazy or appreciate it in all its glory is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Here's to my crazy we. I guess sometimes it really isn't all about me.

Going from ME to WE

Okay, this relationship thing is interesting. I mean you meet someone. You build a friendship. You learn each other's quirks. You try to make all the idiosyncrasies work. It's a process. It is amazing how at some unknown point during the courtship you start saying we and us as opposed to I and me. How did I go from me to we?

I am not even sure when it started. All I know is that all of a sudden (maybe not as suddenly as I believe) I am referring to my place as home for the two of us, we check the calendar to see where we can fit in new events and when invited to places I am now saying we might have plans let me check. When did this happen? I mean we've barely crossed over the one year mark and yet I am certain this "we" thing happened well before that.

Part of me greatly enjoys the fact that I have a significant other who I need to consult to make sure we have nothing on the agenda, however my fiercely independent side is not on board with the program. She is beside herself with annoyance at constantly having to pull out the calendar to see if something else is there. She misses just saying yes to something and doing whatever, whenever she pleased.

I think it is a fear of losing oneself in another. I have nothing to fear as I do enough on my own to not  let that happen but the "what if" creeps in now and again to throw it's nonsense into the mix. "What if I am doing too many of his things", "What if I don't get to see my friends enough or anymore", "What if I am making him do too many of my events", "What if we are just humoring each other and none of this seemingly great compromise is real". The "What If" monster lurks around  hoping to cause a ripple in the delicate balance of the new formed we. Fighting it is a hard task but it can be done.

I have learned the fine art of compromise. I have always been able to stand firm and say NO if I mean No but I now say it in a way that doesn't feel as if I am laying down the law as opposed to just expressing disinterest. I have learned that no matter how my independent side argues against too much us, she is sad when the other half of we isn't about. I still greatly enjoy my me but I am now growing comfortable with we.