Thursday, August 15, 2013

Going from ME to WE

Okay, this relationship thing is interesting. I mean you meet someone. You build a friendship. You learn each other's quirks. You try to make all the idiosyncrasies work. It's a process. It is amazing how at some unknown point during the courtship you start saying we and us as opposed to I and me. How did I go from me to we?

I am not even sure when it started. All I know is that all of a sudden (maybe not as suddenly as I believe) I am referring to my place as home for the two of us, we check the calendar to see where we can fit in new events and when invited to places I am now saying we might have plans let me check. When did this happen? I mean we've barely crossed over the one year mark and yet I am certain this "we" thing happened well before that.

Part of me greatly enjoys the fact that I have a significant other who I need to consult to make sure we have nothing on the agenda, however my fiercely independent side is not on board with the program. She is beside herself with annoyance at constantly having to pull out the calendar to see if something else is there. She misses just saying yes to something and doing whatever, whenever she pleased.

I think it is a fear of losing oneself in another. I have nothing to fear as I do enough on my own to not  let that happen but the "what if" creeps in now and again to throw it's nonsense into the mix. "What if I am doing too many of his things", "What if I don't get to see my friends enough or anymore", "What if I am making him do too many of my events", "What if we are just humoring each other and none of this seemingly great compromise is real". The "What If" monster lurks around  hoping to cause a ripple in the delicate balance of the new formed we. Fighting it is a hard task but it can be done.

I have learned the fine art of compromise. I have always been able to stand firm and say NO if I mean No but I now say it in a way that doesn't feel as if I am laying down the law as opposed to just expressing disinterest. I have learned that no matter how my independent side argues against too much us, she is sad when the other half of we isn't about. I still greatly enjoy my me but I am now growing comfortable with we.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Plans and Procrastination III

Well, I was wrong. July was NOT my triumphant return to reality. When the world seems to crash around on all sides sometimes you stand tall and sometimes you hide. Still in other moments you runaway to live to fight another day. I chose a bit of all 3. The possibility of being creative was there but quite ephemeral. I felt urges and yet ignored them or followed them til they disappeared into the shadows at the edge of my reality.

Writers often talk about the perfection environment for writing. There has to be time, energy, creativity and security for this magical thing called writing to occur. July did not bring all of those elements into alignment. Today is the first day I have felt the celestial elements combine and align and I am glad for their return.

Hopefully this creativity castle will stay fixed in the heavens for more than a moment. It is rather exhausting to dig deep within your self and put thought to paper but that is the intent of this blog. I have several subjects to bring forth so in order to catch up with my writing I might post more than one in a week and possibly even in a day.

To all the writers who earn their living in this medium, I applaud your tenacity. This is an effortless process when the words are in stock but the droughts are ever so tedious and time consuming. I am amazed at your ability to bring forth life from such dry ground. Here's to my next round of life.