Where did this year go?

     People say it all the time, "Where did the year go?" but it is still a valid question. Today is the first day of the last month of 2014. This month will mark the last sequential date (12/13/14) for our lifetimes. The days are 24 hours long and yet the minutes move like quicksilver. I know November just started and yet here we are holidays at hand waiting 30 days away from another new year. How did we get here?

     At any rate, I am glad to be here to ask this question. I know in an instant 2015 will present itself. I am looking forward to the final flurry of days filled with friends and family, love and laughter happiness and harmony with a touch of the chaotic . Thanksgiving allowed me a chance to enjoy man of those I love all in one spot and was one of the best moments in time ever. I wish it could have lasted longer but the feelings it stirred stay with me.

     Be thankful for each moment no matter how fleeting it may be. Be happy with what you have as some would gladly trade lives with you and others are happier with far less. Our lives are long yet never as long as we need, want or hope it will be.

Tired

Do you ever feel just sick of it all? Do you have times when every tiny infraction seems like a felony offense and feels as if they are intentionally inflicted upon you? Sometimes the world really is too much with us but usually you aren't allowed the opportunity to silently slip into seclusion. I have to remember to be thankful for all the hassle as if it didn't exist then wheat is it I am doing? IF it is too quiet then maybe it is too mundane, too same 'ole, same 'ole, too nothing really matters at all. A brief moment, no matter how long it feels, of hassle means life has been lived and not existed. Not every moment is pleasant but oh when those bits of sunlight appear how rich and wonderful they feel. I am tired but this too shall pass. For now I must muster through. I hope you can too.

Small Smiles

It's amazing how a small event can change an entire day for positive or negative. This morning I had a positive moment that may seem so insignificant to someone else as to be not worthy of a mention but to me, it's made my day brighter. I have had a purple padlock for a number of years which has sat locked for all this time as I had forgotten the combination. I knew that I had it in here somewhere but where was the question that had no answer until moments ago.


I have been rearranging spaces and sorting through places that normally remain left alone in order to make room for 2 people's possessions. I have found pictures from the past and notes from me to me. I have found grocery lists and schedules and various trinkets. I have filed, trashed and rehashed them all in my mind and then without looking for it at all, there it was, the combination just sitting there. I tried it out and it worked. The lock that still looks new now has the opportunity to fulfill it's destiny. IT makes me happy that I didn't throw it out. I made the mistake once of giving up on finding something and just after discarding the item, the mare was found. Sometimes it's not an exercise in futility to hold out hope for something.


This morning happiness is three numbers on a small slip of paper that opened up a lock thought lost for ever. A small smile but an unexpected happy start to a much needed day off. A small smile can lead to a big smile and that to a laugh and the list goes on. Here's to the little things in life that should not be overlooked. Little things mean a lot.

Time Slip

"Time keeps on slipping into the future." I cannot believe it has been over a month since last I wrote. I have written of the need for more time and of the fact that I have been merging my world with another. Apparently this time slip has  no mercy. I can't remember every moment but the ones that I do are amazing. I am hoping to be back to me sooner than later and as often as before.

I am navigating the eccentric pathways of compromise of late. I am learning that you really do have to have open lines of communication in order to clearly get your message out and understood. You also need to be able to use these lines in order to not get lost along the way. Who knew that I would have to explain that 8 AM on a Saturday is NOT my idea of sleeping in. Compromise, compassion and communication. I have needed used all of these skills over the last few months. It's been keeping me busy but hopefully when the foundation has been laid then the rest as they say will be icing on the cake.

Happy Birthday To Me

I always know that I am very fortunate but today just reminds me that I am surrounded by fantastic family and friends and lots of love.  I have had well wishes from people from my past and I have had fun with my closest long time friends. My "baby" brother and I talked for hours and it felt like we were together again even though he's many miles away. I love today. I use it as the excuse to bring the many members of my reality together to celebrate not only me but the fact that our friendships have endured for so many years. Thanks all my friends for making this birthday special. I can't wait to do it again.

More Hours in the Day

More hours in the day wouldn't necessarily solve the problem of time. We do everything last minute or over crowd the hours so I don't think the request of more hours in the day would truly help until we learn time management. This weekend I felt as if time flew. Monday arrived far too soon for me. I barely had the opportunity to enjoy my morning sleep in before time to be off with friends. Once I returned home it was time to prepare for the work week. I wanted at least 2 more hours in Saturday and Sunday to feel properly prepared for Monday but truth be told I would have procrastinated the time away and still been woefully unprepared to face today. Time management is an artful skill one must acquire as one ages. I have gotten better but still I feel as if the day slips away from me especially when I am enjoying myself. I guess it truly is wise to live in the moment and not worry about tomorrow. I just wish tomorrow would take a little more time in arriving.

Adventures in the Land of We

     It's amazing how quickly a world can change. My neighbors all ask me about my other half. How is he, where is he, who is he (boyfriend, fiance, husband) are now commonplace questions. It's as if I am now no longer allowed to be me. I am a "we" and must be in close proximity of my other half at all times. It fascinates me that this identity shift occurs. It's amazing how a couple just slips into this because everyone around them guides them along the way. It concerns me that this very public acknowledgment makes it so difficult to be a single entity. I am a bit miffed that my me-ness has been usurped by the we of us.  Don't get me wrong, the we of us makes me happy but the me in me is fighting to maintain her identity.

     The other evening, I made meatloaf. He washed dishes. I did some work and then we took a walk in the neighborhood stopping off at the store to buy rice milk before returning home. Once home I made tea. We drank it while watching the news and then drifted off to the land of dreams. Living in domesticity is a very different reality. I like it's simplicity. I enjoy having a partner in crime. It's been four months and he is still alive. I think I like him and this is definitely a beautiful thing. Having someone who can join in your crazy or appreciate it in all its glory is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Here's to my crazy we. I guess sometimes it really isn't all about me.

Nostalgia TV

There's COZI TV, This TV, Antenna TV and Me TV among many other channels dedicated to the programs of my and my parent's childhood. It's good stuff. Many of the stories still hold up. Seeing a time capsule of clothes and cars makes you remember how far we have come from that time and how far we still have to go. What's amazing about these channels is the fact that even the "violence" of the time is more peaceful than anything you see today. I like not being stressed out by my television. I miss the simpler shows dedicated to actual acting and scripts filled with information. I am obviously not alone as more and more of these time warp television stations are popping up.

I think today's audience needs a good does of nostalgia but made of course from their current stars as they have no connection to mine. We need to bring back Battle of the Network Stars and Circus of the Stars. We need to bring back some ABC after school specials and the timeless teaching tool of School House Rock. No fluff. No CGI. Minimal green screen. More script less fluff. Nostalgia TV is the place to be.

Looking forward to a brighter tomorrow

I am hoping that from this point forward all the promises of a bright and shiny new year can began to come to fruition. Without going into specifics it amazes me how cruel we can be to one another. It amazes me how one individual can feel so far superior to another. It amazes me how one person can greatly negatively affect the life of someone who has done nothing but be loving and kind. It is hard to be an on-looker in a situation which doesn't directly involve you. It is hard to see a loved one be so tormented. Anyone who has experienced a similar situation knows how helpless it feels when yu can't just make the nightmare go away.

Letting go of individuals that add nothing positive to your reality is not giving up. It is learning to live for yourself which is perfectly all right to do. There's a difference between being nice and being passive. You always have the right to stand up for yourself and you should never feel that your "niceness" will be called in to question if you do. Might does not equal right and nice is not synonymous with weak. We truly do have to learn to listen to one another and treat each other with more common courtesy, empathy and respect.

Anti Resolution Pro productive change

My definition of Resolution for this time of year is " a well intended statement of a course of action for your life that usually ends in rationalizing why you didn't do what you said you would do."

At the end of every year many of us feel pressured to make the next year better than the last. We are asked in matter of fact tones about our resolutions. We are meant to have an answer to this question. My answer isn't what most expect. I am not a fan of this resolution concept. It's too much to expect of a new year to bring you all that you weren't able to accomplish in the last one. If we didn't lose those 5 pounds, find that great love, get that new job, clean out that closet, go to the gym or turn a hobby into a career last year then what will make this year any different? Oh I will make a resolution and it will magically change, not likely.

Pick something you can change and change it. Make a goal for the week and do it. Little by little, step by step actually makes a difference. Change isn't always a sudden shift. Change is usually a slow process occurring  over a great period of time. It took you a n umber of months/years to put on a few pounds and it will take just as long to make them disappear. You've been stuck in the same place for a reason. Figure out why and then actively do something to make what you want to happen happen. It sounds simple. It isn't. It is work. All of it is work. You can say anything you like but if the work isn't put in then it is pointless.

This year. Be good to yourself. This year be true to yourself. This year love yourself more, criticize yourself less and remember to breathe. Don't expect so much and then maybe, just maybe you will finds more than you ever knew possible. We all can be a bit better than we are but we also can only change so far. Find your place and make it happen. Happy New Year!